Let’s start with a confession: I love coffee shops. The smell of freshly ground beans, the hum of espresso machines, the clatter of cups—it’s the perfect backdrop for scribbling in a journal, answering emails, or staring pensively out the window while pretending to work on a screenplay. But here’s the thing: Coffee shops are sacred spaces for solo productivity. They’re not stadiums for your Zoom meetings. If you’re the person who’s camped out at Table 3, barking into your laptop about Q4 projections while the rest of us side-eye you over our lattes, let’s talk. Because, friend, it’s time to stop.

I get it. Coffee shops feel productive. They’re cozy, they’re social, and they come with built-in caffeine. But here’s the reality: When you take a Zoom call in public, you’re not just “living your best remote work life”—you’re subjecting everyone around you to the chaos of your professional circus. Let’s break it down.

First, the noise. Coffee shops are designed to be lively. Grinders roar like jet engines. Milk steamers hiss on cue. The person next to you just ordered a “half-caff, oat-milk, extra-hot macchiato with a whisper of cinnamon,” and the barista is now shouting that order across the room like it’s a Shakespearean soliloquy. Meanwhile, you’re trying to explain your company’s new cybersecurity protocol to your team. Spoiler: No one can hear you. Or worse, they can hear you—along with the entire soundtrack of the café. Your coworker’s left eardrum just got blasted by the espresso machine, and now they’re wondering why they’re paying you to sound like you’re hosting a podcast in a blender.

Then there’s the privacy issue. Let’s say you’re discussing sensitive information—a client’s budget, an employee’s performance review, or heaven forbid—your personal weekend plans. Guess what? The guy sipping a cold brew two feet away now knows your entire sales strategy. The woman editing her novel beside you just overheard that you’re “totally swamped” and “might miss the deadline.” Congratulations! You’ve turned the café into a corporate TED Talk with unlimited eavesdroppers. Public spaces are for public conversations, and unless you’re cool with strangers knowing your business, your laptop camera should stay pointed at your bedroom wall, not the pastry case.

Let’s talk about professionalism. Sure, remote work has normalized casual backdrops, but there’s a difference between a tasteful bookshelf and a barista dropping a tray of cups behind you mid-sentence. Imagine your client’s face when your video freezes at the exact moment someone at the next table spills their mocha. Now your big pitch is a pixelated meme of you mid-blink with the caption “JUST HAD AN ESPRESSO, SORRY!” floating in the chat. Coffee shops are unpredictable. Wi-Fi sputters. Backgrounds get weird. Do you really want your career milestones soundtracked by a crying toddler or a jazz cover of “Despacito”?

And let’s not forget the toll this takes on you. Trying to focus in a bustling café is like solving a Rubik’s Cube on a rollercoaster. You’re juggling a shaky internet connection, a melting iced coffee, and the pressure to look engaged while silently praying the person beside you doesn’t start filming a TikTok unboxing video. You’re not “multitasking”—you’re setting yourself up for stress. Work requires focus, and focus requires some semblance of control. You can’t control the espresso machine. You can’t control the toddler. You can control your location.

But here’s the real kicker: It’s rude. That’s right, I said it. When you take a Zoom call in a shared space, you’re telling everyone around you, “My meeting matters more than your peace.” The student studying for exams? Distracted. The writer drafting her novel? Annoyed. The couple on a first date? Now bonding over their mutual hatred of you. Coffee shops thrive on a delicate social contract: We’re all here to coexist, to work quietly, to respect the vibe. Your loud, one-sided conversation about KPIs is like dropping a whoopee cushion in a library.

If you’re thinking, “But I see people do this all the time!”—you’re right. And those people are the reason we can’t have nice things. They’re the reason cafes start putting up “No Zoom Calls” signs. They’re the reason the rest of us have to wear noise-canceling headphones just to escape the cacophony of someone’s sales pitch. Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s okay.

So what’s the alternative? If you’re craving a change of scenery, go to the café! Sip your latte, crush your solo tasks, soak up the ambience. But when it’s time for a meeting, step outside. Find a quiet corner. Walk around the block. Or, wild idea—go home. Your team will thank you. Your caffeine-addicted neighbors will thank you. And the barista? They’ll finally stop judging you for using four sugars.

Coffee shops are magical places. Let’s keep them that way. Save the Zoom grids for your living room. Let the rest of us enjoy our coffee in peace.

(And if you’re still doing this? We see you. We hear you. We’re all rooting for your Wi-Fi to disconnect.)